By Heidi Eilers, Ph.D., B.C.B.A-D

To my surprise I have read several articles on parenting that tell parents not to use rewards with their children.  When there is over 50 years of learning research demonstrating without a doubt that the most effective way to teach children (to be more exact all humans, including adults) is by using reinforcement, I find it incredible that there are people out there claiming to be experts that are telling parents not to use rewards with their children.  I have to wonder if these people have ever read a scientific journal in their life.

I think part of the problem is that we are asking the wrong question.  The question is not whether or not we should be using rewards with our children, the question is what type of rewards should be used and when should we use them.  All behavior is rewarded in some way or it wouldn’t happen.  Behavior is rewarded because it results in something good happening as a consequence or because it results in us avoiding or escaping something bad or unpleasant.  As a rule, you should try to use the naturally occurring consequences to teach your child, but in many cases this is not appropriate either because the natural consequences are dangerous or because your child isn’t motivated by the natural consequences.  That is when it is time to introduce contrived rewards to teach your child. Below are simple steps to follow to use appropriate rewards with your child.

• Identify what behavior you are trying to teach to your child.

Ex: Tying shoelaces.

• Identify the natural situations in which the behavior would occur.

Ex: You tie your shoelaces when you first put on your shoes and throughout the day when the laces come undone.

• Identify the naturally occurring consequences for the behavior in those situations.

Ex: The natural consequences of tying shoelaces are praise from adults/peers and avoiding tripping over shoelaces.

• Decide whether the natural consequence would be appropriate to use to teach your child the skill or whether or not your child would be motivated by the naturally occurring consequence

Ex: My child would be motivated by praise, but it would not be appropriate to teach my child using the natural consequences of repeatedly tripping over her shoelaces.

• If the natural consequence is appropriate, use it to teach your child.

Ex: I will use praise to teach my child how to tie her shoelaces. I will not use the natural consequence of falling down to teach my child.

• If the natural consequence would not be appropriate to use with your child, identify other types of rewards that would work with your child.

Ex: I will also reward my child with her favorite stickers each time she successfully ties her shoelaces because I cannot use the natural consequence of avoiding falling down to teach my child to tie her shoelaces.

• Begin rewarding your child every single time she performs the skill.  As your child’s performance improves, you can start to provide smaller amounts of the reward.  Your end goal will be to fade out rewards that are not found in the natural situation and to provide the naturally occurring rewards on occasion.

Ex: When I first teach my child to tie her shoelaces, I will praise her and give her a sticker each time. After she has shown me that she can tie her shoes for a couple weeks, I will slowly start to give her fewer stickers, but I will still praise her every time she does it. I will start out by giving her stickers about every other time she ties her shoes, then I will give her stickers about every 4th or 5th time she ties her shoes. I will continue to do this until I am not longer providing her any stickers for tying her shoes, but I will still praise her each time she does it.  Then, I will start to reduce the amount of praise I give her.  I will continue to reduce the amount of praise that I give her until I am only giving her praise a few times per week or month for tying her shoes independently.